Here We Go Again

Listening to: Fall to Pieces – Velvet Revolver

Mood: Tired and Discouraged

I distinctly remember not signing up to get on the carousel. In fact, I despise carousels. Round and round, covering the same ground, seeing the same thing again and again.

Please do excuse my melancholy. I caught my 8 year old taking money out of my wallet again. I am just utterly deflated at the moment. At least her father was home this time to help me deal with it, but it’s still absolutely discouraging.

This past evening, we had a “Come to Jesus” talk with the daughter. It was an excruciating conversation for me to listen to and was all around unpleasant for everyone involved.  Much crying and hurt feelings ensued – not all of them mine.

I am petrified that this will continue and snowball into something I can’t control – hell I already seem to be failing at controlling this whole nonsense. It doesn’t even seem to matter to her that she is taking something from someone else. We have instituted lockdown again with some additional consequences like doing chores to pay back the money.

I’m pretty much out of ideas at this point. I have been trying desperately to avoid physical punishment, but nothing else seems to be making a dent.

Why does it look so easy when everyone else does it? Why do I have to feel like I can’t just relax and enjoy my kids rather than being a hardass? The minute I give an inch, we end up back here. I’m tired of always being the responsible one.

Becky