Off on an Adventure

The G family is on their way to an adventure in the hills of India. More specifically, Ooty and Coonoor. I'll be back on Monday with updates as to how it went and how the kids liked it. Plenty of fun and educational stuff to do and I am stoked. In the mean time, happy Ugadi to those who celebrate!

Becky

Where in the World?

Listening to: Personal Jesus – Depeche Mode

Mood: Happy

Today is not the day that I discovered Blogger’s stat features. I have been occasionally throwing an eye around there for quite some time.

As of late, this has especially fascinated me. I’ve found out that I have readers from Latvia (!), Malaysia, Iran, Russia, Romania (!!), Slovenia (seriously?!), Turkey, China, The Netherlands (holla back Dutch folks!), France, Nepal (!), Ukraine, Brazil, and Laos (again, really?!)

All I can say is wow folks. I appreciate every single last one of you. Please, please, please come back often. I’ll do my best to continue providing you with entertaining reading. I also love comments, so let ‘em fly people. There are convenient following options also if you want me all up in your email inbox or RSS feeder. All of my goodness delivered to your (virtual) doorstep. The email following instructions are on the left, the RSS subscription either on the right or at the bottom of the page. If you haven't looked into RSS technology, you should. Great for blog reading junkies like me.

I have some options for those who want to read something different. I regularly keep 6 blogs. Some get written in more than others, but the content is all different. Check out the links below for more of my content.

Politics: While I don’t get around to blogging here nearly enough to suit my taste – I feel that some of these articles are my best. Since I grew up in the US, but live in India, both will be included:

http://becky-politicalrants.blogspot.in/

Life in India – good fun with pictures:

http://followingthemasala.blogspot.in/

My main blog with life musings:

http://beckyispassingthrough.blogspot.in/

For all things related to marriage and all of its tomfoolery (there may be posts about sex, you’ve been warned):

http://beckysballandchain.blogspot.in/

For what I’m reading and Recommending:

http://searchingforedification.blogspot.in/

Thanks for reading!

From the Archives: Don’t Chug It

I've decided to do a little series in here of  blogs I have previously written on Yahoo 360 before I got on Blogger. Enjoy!

(2007)

Listening to: Fat Bottom Girls – Queen

Mood: Stable for the moment

I got some feedback lately about my blog being angry/antisocial/violent lately, so I decided to blog about something a little lighter. I still am feeling that way – and probably will until I give birth – but hey, let’s let a little light in.

So it’s been a while until a blogged about my life and being a mom. I know I’ve written about some of the absurdities that moms face every day. This blog is about some of the absolutely insane things my daughter and I say to each other. I’ve noticed that these exchanges don’t sound so crazy when you’re having them. When you go back and think about them, it gets a little funny. Once of the dialogues that always gets me is when I have to remind my daughter not to chug her beverage. Which is usually every time she drinks ANYTHING. Now usually people associate chugging with beer. My daughter is a champion milk and juice chugger.  She especially excels with sippy cups. I know she’s 4, but sippy cups have been the sanity salvation for me, especially now that they have developed cups that don’t leak. No matter what.  Anyhow, she would much rather drink than eat. She will finish off a 12 oz cup of milk in, oh, 2 minutes, and then complain that her stomach hurts. Well, yes, that’s generally how it works. She knows this, but does it anyhow. So it’s become kind of a habit for me to remind her anytime I get her anything to drink. Things that seem to be common sense to the adult section of the species totally evade our younger progeny.

Another thing that tickles my fancy is when my daughter makes a proclamation in such an adult voice that you just have to turn around in surprise. For example. “Mommy. You are NOT going to watch this show. You are too young for it.” My daughter has been an only child for 4 years now. She is used to getting the attention and having tons of one on one interaction from both me and her father. We talk to her like a big girl most of the time. As a result, it’s hilarious to watch her get so big that she all but busts out of her britches. The girl has a mouth 3 times the size of her little body.  Being 4, she really doesn’t get the fact that we are not all on equal footing. She seems to think her bold proclamations will bring about the desired result she is seeking. I.e. getting to watch Noggin instead of the news. Most of the time I just look at her like she’s gone off the deep end and she ends up giggling and going off to find another toy to leave in the living room. It gets really hard not to laugh sometimes, and I don’t want her to get used to talking like that. I’m afraid she’s already going to be a bossy big sister just because of the age difference between the two girls.   It cracks me up too, when we’re talking and I correct her about something – like the sky being blue, not green – and she’ll say “Oh. Yeah. You’re right.” Like she was just testing me all along.

Becky

Dirty Little Punks

Listening to: 2 very chatty daughters of mine

Mood: In a funk – and not in a cool funky way

My husband has returned from the great, far away land of the US. Sanity, for the most part has returned to our house. It is summer vacation for us (India gives March end – June here, because that’s summer), so sanity is really relative. As you may have imagined, India is bloody hot in the summer. We live in Bangalore, which is relatively temperate compared with the rest of this land. It is still very hot. 

I’ve always had a rather morbid curiosity about kids that don’t want to take showers. I’ve read about different people’s children and just wondered why that would be. I used to LOVE taking showers and baths. I still do, but dread them because my children will be alone for more than 5 minutes. Now before you accuse me of being a helicopter mom, this has nothing to do with their safety. I’m afraid for my house’s safety. No supervision = you really want your house burned down, don’t you? There is no joy in rushing through a shower so that your kids will not try to blow up the microwave by sticking a whole roll of tin foil in the microwave just to see what happens; even though you’ve warned them about not using the microwave on pain of being beaten with a stick, but also about metal and microwaves not mixing.  Let me tell you, my showers are all of 8.2 seconds if anyone under the age of 30 is awake in our house.

Let me explain something about showers in India. We have small water heaters for each bathroom that warm up exactly enough water for ½ a shower. If you want more, you must sit wet and soapy while you wait for the water heater to refill. We do have functional shower heads, but no bathtubs. India has a water shortage so bathtubs are out of the question. The smarter thing to do is take a bucket shower. It takes a little getting used to, but it’s actually quite pleasant. If you can learn to take a shower with only 1 bucket of water, you don’t have to worry about running out of hot water. This doesn’t matter much in the summer because you have to be bat snot crazy to want a hot shower in the summer. It does however, make a difference in winter. You try taking a cold shower when it’s only 70 degrees out. It’s not all that fun. I do occasionally use the shower to make sure my hair is rinsed out well, something that usually isn’t all that great with a bucket, but with a record of 5 minutes with hot water, I certainly don’t linger. By the end of a hot sweaty day in India, I crave a shower at the end of the day; even if it’s just 5 minutes with a bucket of cold-lukewarm water.

However, this post is not about my showers. This post is about 2 little stinky girls who don’t like to take showers.  What gives? It took them both (especially my youngest) a while to get used to bucket showers. They just didn’t like not having a bathtub to wallow in. They don’t mind bucket showers now, but they have some mysterious problem about not wanting to clean themselves at all. Now, they fight vehemently about whether they will take showers (oh you will little piggies, you definitely will) and then who has to go first. I keep a loose tally about who’s turn it is to go first, but if all else fails, I’m the mom so I just decide and throw one in there. How does a shower not seem like a great idea after you’ve been running around all day and it’s as hot as balls outside?

Anyone have a good story about kids who don’t like to be clean?

Becky.

P.S. I love it when people follow my blog. No, this is not a subtle hint. Seriously. The follow button on the right – go find it.

It’s An Epidemic…There’s no Vaccine, and a Cure Ain’t Lookin Great Either

Listening to: All the Things You Said – Tatu

Mood: Tired, but ON

If there’s one thing that makes me lose my mom zen, it would have to be whining. Seriously. All of the patience I have accrued in the last 8 some years from having kids gets flushed down the drain. Hello, I’m Becky and I’m a yeller.  This unproductive method of discipline has been passed down from my grandparents, to my parents, to me. I’m sure it will get passed down to my kids too – something I’m not proud of.  I have been trying my best to tone it down a little and stop losing my shit over every little small thing lately. The problem for me is that I’ve been dealing with an extraordinary amount of nonsense lately by myself with Daddy G out of town. Never one to deal well with nonsense and drama, all the naughty stuff my kids do tends to get lumped into the same irritating pile, instead of making a bigger deal out of stuff that warrants it. I’m not trying to excuse my behavior (bad mommy!), because I really should be trying a little harder.

When they start whining, it’s almost like a knee jerk response. The first (loud) thing out of my mouth is “Quit ya whining!” I’m not sure when exactly this started. Well, ok, that’s not entirely true. I do know. All of this behavior started when we moved into our new place in Bangalore in January. It started small with my kids whining to my husband whenever they wanted sympathy or needed a parent who was slightly softer. They know better than to whine to me for sympathy, because I literally have to sit on my hands so that I’m not chucking things at them. Also, almost knee jerk. Almost.  I tried nipping this in the bud. Unfortunately for me, the hubs never saw this as a problem. It was almost cute. Cue the twitching from me. You don’t have to listen to it all the time. Well, this epidemic has grown and developed into an epic problem, one I’m not entirely sure how to stop.  My kids were never really much into whining, for which I’m grateful. The eldest was more of a screaming, tantrum throwing monster, the younger, well, was pretty zen about life and just asked for what she wanted.

My tactic is mostly to ignore what they’re trying to tell me and remind them that if they ask me politely, I would be willing to listen. Otherwise, my ears automatically close to block out all this atrocious noise.  They usually aren’t amused, but they usually give in right away and talk politely. I have always hated listening to other people’s kids whine. And like many other things I swore I would never let my kids do, this one has happened. Why yes, I would like a slice of humble pie. Thanks for asking. What gets irritating to me is when every little thing comes out of their mouths in a whiney tone, even though I’ve asked them eleventy-billion times to knock it the heck off.  If you by some act of nature or luck have a kid that you successfully taught not to whine after they were two, my hat is off to you as a super parent. Having a stubborn 8 year old that decided that whining was a viable strategy for sympathy is enough to make you bat shit cra-zay. Of course, her little copycat sister can’t help but decide that her sister is the ultimate source of knowledge and this much be a great way to behave. I’ve mentioned (and really, was only half joking) about mashed potatoes in the ears. I am craving them now, only for the whining instead of the noise level. Unfortunately, I’m too lazy to get up and make mashed potatoes right now. India doesn’t have boxed potatoes people (not that I eat those anyhow), and mashing potatoes takes some serious arm effort. 

I would love to hear any ideas that you have successfully implemented that stopped the whining. At least throw me a bone and reassure me that if I stick to my guns, the behavior will eventually die out.

Becky

That’s It, We’re Putting You in Lockdown.

Listening To: Bomba – Azul Azul (love me some latin music!)

Mood: On.

As I mentioned in my last post, we had a situation recently that required some stiff consequences. I caught my daughter stealing money out of my wallet. She also lied straight to my face about it as the money was falling out of her pocket.

Of course this incident happened as we were walking out the door to go to my sister in law’s house, so we had to put off deciding what to do until we came back. I wish that I would have spanked her right then as I feel consequences should be associated with what happened, but I think we handled it alright anyhow. After some skype style discussion with Daddy G (who is in the US for a month for work) about what to do, I had 

to sit my daughter down and let her know what was going to happen for her.

Daddy G strongly urged me to spank her really good. Logically, I strongly agreed with him, but in the end, just couldn’t do it. My father used to beat us with a wooden spoon when we didn’t act right. I always hated it and I was afraid of him. I always vowed that I would never teach my kids that violence was an acceptable solution to someone that you couldn’t make do what you expected.  It was pretty ineffective too. It made me into an incredible sneak and liar just so I wouldn’t get caught. I have tried my best to follow this philosophy. There have definitely been times when my kids have been spanked, but never to this extreme.  Since the moment when I discovered the theft was gone, I decided to find a different strategy.

After talking to a good friend who has daughters that are close in age to mine, I decided to try putting my daughter in a complete lockdown. I sat her down and explained how the week would look for her. She would get up as normal, get dressed, eat, and go to school. When she got home, she was going to do her homework in her room, as usual, and then she would be expected to stay in her room and keep quietly occupied. She would be allowed to eat dinner at the table with us, but then would be required to go back to her room until it was time to go to bed. There would be absolutely no tv, no video games, and she didn't have the freedom to be out around the house.  Should another incident of this type, stealing what didn't belong to her from me or anyone else, there would be a very serious spanking. My daughter has heard about my childhood, and is duly afraid of a wooden spoon spanking.

I’m proud to say that we stuck with it for the entire week, even though there was much, much whining about boredom. I got the opportunity to remind her that the consequences were a result of her own actions when this occurred. She got tired of hearing it over and over and eventually stopped complaining.

I really hope this is the end of such behavior.  I don’t want to have to spank her, but I know that I will have to if this happens again. There are certain behaviors that parents just cannot slide at all – this is one.

Becky

Teaching Your Daughters That Having a Voice is Essential

Listening To: Come Out and Play - Offspring 

Mood: On.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned it on this blog (which is phenomenal, considering I’ve told every other person I’ve met between Chicago and Bangalore), but the G family has moved to India. Yep. We totally just packed up our stuff and wandered half way around the world. Let me tell you, it has been amazing so far.

Anyhow, raising kids here is slightly different than in the US. I have always felt that it is important to give your daughter(s) a voice. Girls still need to be actively taught that that not only is it ok to speak up for yourself and what you need, it’s essential. This is even more critical in India.

India is not a polite, sanitized, civilized place like the US. It is a place that in the best of times, does not treat men and women equally, and women are usually on the short end of the stick. Children are not taught to quietly take what an adult says. Because there are so many people fighting for the same resources, children are actively vocal in lobbying for what they want, even at the expense of politeness.

Moving to a new place is stressful. I still remember a few moves from my childhood that were super challenging for me to adjust to. I have generally been super proud of both of my daughters at how well they adjusted and really put in an effort to make this place a home and make friends. Both of my daughters play outside for a few hours in the evening with their friends.

That being said, we had an incident that really shocked me. I found out that my elder daughter, who is now 8, had been taking money out of my purse with which to buy candy. After much screaming, crying, and general drama (to which about half was me) she told me she was doing it to buy candy for her friends. At the best of times, my daughter doesn’t share much with me. She’s a pretty private person. Getting the whole story (or sometimes any of it) out of her is never an easy process, especially if she thinks she’ll get in trouble. After a few days, she told me that her friends were asking her to take some money and buy candy. When I asked her why she just didn’t say no and move on to playing something else, she told me she couldn’t. I don’t think I would have been more surprised at that response if my daughter whipped out an Uzi.

I have had many conversations with her about what stealing is and why it’s wrong, along with some of the consequences. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would have had to deal with this situation with an 8 year old. Just because she didn’t want to say no to some pushy friends. Cue the panicky feeling that my daughter is going to grow up and make ten bazillion bad choices because she can’t stand up for herself and say no.

We talked about why it was important for her to stand up for herself and say no, even if it made her and/or others uncomfortable. Sometimes I have such thick skin, I forget that she does not. I have the feeling that someone is playing on her emotions and using her to get money for candy. I sympathized with her plea that it was hard, but told her again, that the more she practiced at this (like anything else) the better she would get.

I’m not saying that any of this excuses her behavior, it definitely does not. Nor did it negate the need for consequences in our house. I’m pretty sure the mental alarm bells for an 8 year old stealing stuff are real. I don’t want my daughter to feel like she can’t come to me if she has a problem, but there are some situations where she will just have to straighten her spine and figure out a way to get through.

There comes a time when we have to tell our daughters to just pipe down already (see: whining for 5 more hours when it’s bedtime) but this should rarely if ever be in reference to her standing up for herself. We need to stress to our girls that they deserve to stand up for themselves and that no one has the right to treat them badly. Sometimes in the struggle as parents to raise polite girls, this gets pushed to the side. Sometimes we would rather have a polite child than one that is capable of standing up for herself. I’m in no way saying that it’s ok for children to be rude. There is definitely always a way to stand up for yourself politely without giving in at all. I think this should be the goal. Telling them to play nice or be nice all the time is counter-productive. A girl should never be afraid to tell a “friend” to not talk meanly to her or treat her roughly. Learning this will help her to stand up for herself in other situations and give her the confidence to not accept crappy behavior and treatment – a crucial thing for all girls, young and old.

Becky