Listening to: Aerosmith - Sing With Me
Mood: Crack head type awake
Hope you like the design changes that I just did. I thought it was about time to play around with blogger’s features a bit. The couch image is a bit self explanatory. My couches are this brick red color, so I thought it fit.
It’s a bit more than a little ironic that I posted yesterday about magnet hands. As I was doing laundry in the evening, I noticed that our laundry card had gone missing. Our washers and driers use a credit card type card that you re-monetize at a machine and then insert into the machine to use. I was sure that I put it on our craft table along with the detergent, as I usually do. When I went to get it, it was missing and because my eldest daughter was using that table, I assumed that she had moved it. Now keeping my previous post in mind, this wasn’t an idiotic assumption. Well, I got after her about it quite a bit. She didn’t deny it, but she didn’t admit it either. I couldn’t find it for anything and just got more annoyed as time went on.
After the kids went to bed, our house got cold and I threw on my favorite black Dickies sweatshirt. I had it on earlier, but gave it no thought when I took it off. I reached my hands into my pocket, and guess what I found. Yep. So I basically felt like an asshat jerk for getting after my daughter when it was completely my fault. You should have seen her face this morning when I apologized to her and explained what happened. It was that “I told you I didn’t do it you silly heffer!” look. Sigh.
I know every parent wins one of these awards at some point in time, but it doesn’t help you feel less like a prick.
Becky
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Wow, You're..... Strict
Listening to: The Bounty Girls
Mood: Calm
My eldest daughter just entered Kindergarten last week. (Enter usual laments about how fast time goes by and children grow here) I’ve always been on the strict side with her. I will be with my youngest too. I feel children need leadership and boundaries to grow up right. Just my personal child rearing philosophy. I’ve commented before about how parenting is becoming less and less up to the parents and more and more of peer pressure and outside interference and regulation. I’ve also commented about parents who feel it’s their right to make judgmental comments on how other parents do their thing. One of the comments that I received recently that really bothered me: “Wow, you’re…..strict.” In a condescending tone as if I beat my children with a wooden spoon to keep them in line. (By the way, that’s how my dad kept me in line. Not that I in any way condone that.) So let me get this straight. You want to judge me for trying to raise a socially conscious, courteous, law abiding child? Um, what? It’s not really a new thing, but it is still very much in vogue to be friends with your kids. My generation as parents seem to have a need to be liked. I never subscribed to this theory. I love my children, my children love me. However, they don’t have to like me. In fact, they probably shouldn’t like me, at least until they turn 25. If they do, I feel like I’m not doing my job. Kids should not get everything they want or ask for. They just don’t have enough information or life experience to know what’s best for them. So yes, I am strict. Raising kids is a hard job. Hard enough without fellow parents being snarky. I don’t mind being seen as strict. I agree that if you start seeing me beat my children in public that I probably need to be stopped, but until then, let me raise my kids as I see fit.
Becky
Mood: Calm
My eldest daughter just entered Kindergarten last week. (Enter usual laments about how fast time goes by and children grow here) I’ve always been on the strict side with her. I will be with my youngest too. I feel children need leadership and boundaries to grow up right. Just my personal child rearing philosophy. I’ve commented before about how parenting is becoming less and less up to the parents and more and more of peer pressure and outside interference and regulation. I’ve also commented about parents who feel it’s their right to make judgmental comments on how other parents do their thing. One of the comments that I received recently that really bothered me: “Wow, you’re…..strict.” In a condescending tone as if I beat my children with a wooden spoon to keep them in line. (By the way, that’s how my dad kept me in line. Not that I in any way condone that.) So let me get this straight. You want to judge me for trying to raise a socially conscious, courteous, law abiding child? Um, what? It’s not really a new thing, but it is still very much in vogue to be friends with your kids. My generation as parents seem to have a need to be liked. I never subscribed to this theory. I love my children, my children love me. However, they don’t have to like me. In fact, they probably shouldn’t like me, at least until they turn 25. If they do, I feel like I’m not doing my job. Kids should not get everything they want or ask for. They just don’t have enough information or life experience to know what’s best for them. So yes, I am strict. Raising kids is a hard job. Hard enough without fellow parents being snarky. I don’t mind being seen as strict. I agree that if you start seeing me beat my children in public that I probably need to be stopped, but until then, let me raise my kids as I see fit.
Becky
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Playground Etiquette
Mood: blasé
Listening to: Classic Rock on TV
I took my daughters to a park yesterday. My elder daughter ran off to climb and my younger one got set in the grass to play. All of a sudden, my older daughter came running up to me, crying, with blood streaming from her nose to her chin. At first, I thought she fell and knocked out some teeth, but it turned out she was hit in the nose by a stray Frisbee. I looked for a tissue to stop the bleeding and then looked around for the person who did it or a parent to at least see if she was ok. Nothing. No one but a great older grandpa offering me some wipes. His grandkids still needed to be carried around, so I was pretty sure it wasn’t related to him at all. Thank you so much by the way super grandpa! I later learned that the boy who threw the Frisbee had apologized to my daughter, but it was still the weirdest thing. Any time your kid runs up to you with a bloody face, it’s very upsetting, especially if someone else was involved, but is nowhere to be seen. Isn’t this basic playground etiquette? If your child hurts someone, even accidentally, don’t you at least tell the other parent something happened? Offer your best apologies and make sure the other child is ok? Perhaps they were afraid I would go nuts. After all, some parents are a little crazy these days, especially when a bloody face is involved. Still. They had to see the blood running down her face. That would at least appear a little serious. It’s not just running into another child.
I just think it sets a good example when parents show their child how to react when someone gets hurt, even if it was just an accident. Not all parents are psychos. Kids get hurt and it was an accident. I may not have been quite as understanding if the boy had punched her, but it was definitely an accident. If this happens to your child, make sure you set a good example. Find the other parent and explain what happened. Even if they do fly off the hook, and lots do when their child gets hurt, you will still be teaching your child to take responsibility for his or her actions, even if they accidentally hurt someone else.
Becky
Listening to: Classic Rock on TV
I took my daughters to a park yesterday. My elder daughter ran off to climb and my younger one got set in the grass to play. All of a sudden, my older daughter came running up to me, crying, with blood streaming from her nose to her chin. At first, I thought she fell and knocked out some teeth, but it turned out she was hit in the nose by a stray Frisbee. I looked for a tissue to stop the bleeding and then looked around for the person who did it or a parent to at least see if she was ok. Nothing. No one but a great older grandpa offering me some wipes. His grandkids still needed to be carried around, so I was pretty sure it wasn’t related to him at all. Thank you so much by the way super grandpa! I later learned that the boy who threw the Frisbee had apologized to my daughter, but it was still the weirdest thing. Any time your kid runs up to you with a bloody face, it’s very upsetting, especially if someone else was involved, but is nowhere to be seen. Isn’t this basic playground etiquette? If your child hurts someone, even accidentally, don’t you at least tell the other parent something happened? Offer your best apologies and make sure the other child is ok? Perhaps they were afraid I would go nuts. After all, some parents are a little crazy these days, especially when a bloody face is involved. Still. They had to see the blood running down her face. That would at least appear a little serious. It’s not just running into another child.
I just think it sets a good example when parents show their child how to react when someone gets hurt, even if it was just an accident. Not all parents are psychos. Kids get hurt and it was an accident. I may not have been quite as understanding if the boy had punched her, but it was definitely an accident. If this happens to your child, make sure you set a good example. Find the other parent and explain what happened. Even if they do fly off the hook, and lots do when their child gets hurt, you will still be teaching your child to take responsibility for his or her actions, even if they accidentally hurt someone else.
Becky
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Swimming in a Tar Pit
Mood: Exasperated
Listening to: American Pie – Don McLean along with my ghetto-booty wall sleeve air conditioner that will doubtlessly vibrate itself out onto the porch any minute now. Yippee.
I have once more emerged from the black hole of the internets once again to provide you with a taste of the rediculosity that is parenting. I know I’ve been away from a while (again!). I sincerely hope no one is checking back in every few days for inspiration. I hate it when I check back on a blog every day for a month to find the same entry staring me in the face. That’s just kind of how life is going these days.
While I was absent, I took my two progeny to visit my mother, best friend, and grandparents in Chicago and Michigan. For the most part, it was a great trip and fun was had by all. The rest we’ll dig into with a spoon in another blog.
And now for something completely different, last night I was contemplating how detrimental it would be to pipe mashed potatoes in my ears. Just to deaden the noise. You see, my baby is 7.5 months old now, and to my dismay, has decided that she is a screamer. And a yeller. She screams for food, she screams for a clean diaper, she screams to be picked up, she screams because she’s happy. Hell, she screams just for the joy of making so much noise. The problem with all this is that I have wood floors in my apartment and it’s not overly furnished with noise reduction items like love seats and curtains. I seriously have to cover my ears at times it is so shrill. And she does it all the time. She has been so different from my eldest daughter. In almost every aspect, she has been a much more difficult baby. It really calls my sanity into question when I still insist I want more kids.
I’ve always thought that having kids and trying to preserve your own identity is like trying to go swimming in a tar pit. Some people realize this before they have kids and jump in anyway, others, like me, don’t realize it until much later. Of course if you aren’t really interested in preserving your own identity sans kids and are totally sold on a new mommy identity, you have already sunk. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Of course most of us moms that identify with losing our identity get an inordinate amount of joy from said tar pit (i.e. our kids), it still gets a little depressing at times. I’ve told my husband many times that if I were able to just coast along never cooking or cleaning a thing, I’d probably handle motherhood just fine. The minute I start to put fight and cook or clean, little tar limbs appear out of nowhere needing lots of different things. My 4 year old is much better than the baby, but the ability to talk and get bored have inspired her to think of lots of unnecessary things to bother me to fetch for her. I.e. milk, a scissors, finger paints, a taco salad (seriously, wtf?). At least when it’s moderately temperate outside we can go for a walk or to the park. When Mother Nature decides to turn into a steam cooker, we’re not only stuck together, we’re stuck together in my 1000 square foot apartment. For the 18 or so hours they are awake.
*Cue tragic sigh. I’m sure I’ll miss all of this as they get older.
Becky
Listening to: American Pie – Don McLean along with my ghetto-booty wall sleeve air conditioner that will doubtlessly vibrate itself out onto the porch any minute now. Yippee.
I have once more emerged from the black hole of the internets once again to provide you with a taste of the rediculosity that is parenting. I know I’ve been away from a while (again!). I sincerely hope no one is checking back in every few days for inspiration. I hate it when I check back on a blog every day for a month to find the same entry staring me in the face. That’s just kind of how life is going these days.
While I was absent, I took my two progeny to visit my mother, best friend, and grandparents in Chicago and Michigan. For the most part, it was a great trip and fun was had by all. The rest we’ll dig into with a spoon in another blog.
And now for something completely different, last night I was contemplating how detrimental it would be to pipe mashed potatoes in my ears. Just to deaden the noise. You see, my baby is 7.5 months old now, and to my dismay, has decided that she is a screamer. And a yeller. She screams for food, she screams for a clean diaper, she screams to be picked up, she screams because she’s happy. Hell, she screams just for the joy of making so much noise. The problem with all this is that I have wood floors in my apartment and it’s not overly furnished with noise reduction items like love seats and curtains. I seriously have to cover my ears at times it is so shrill. And she does it all the time. She has been so different from my eldest daughter. In almost every aspect, she has been a much more difficult baby. It really calls my sanity into question when I still insist I want more kids.
I’ve always thought that having kids and trying to preserve your own identity is like trying to go swimming in a tar pit. Some people realize this before they have kids and jump in anyway, others, like me, don’t realize it until much later. Of course if you aren’t really interested in preserving your own identity sans kids and are totally sold on a new mommy identity, you have already sunk. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Of course most of us moms that identify with losing our identity get an inordinate amount of joy from said tar pit (i.e. our kids), it still gets a little depressing at times. I’ve told my husband many times that if I were able to just coast along never cooking or cleaning a thing, I’d probably handle motherhood just fine. The minute I start to put fight and cook or clean, little tar limbs appear out of nowhere needing lots of different things. My 4 year old is much better than the baby, but the ability to talk and get bored have inspired her to think of lots of unnecessary things to bother me to fetch for her. I.e. milk, a scissors, finger paints, a taco salad (seriously, wtf?). At least when it’s moderately temperate outside we can go for a walk or to the park. When Mother Nature decides to turn into a steam cooker, we’re not only stuck together, we’re stuck together in my 1000 square foot apartment. For the 18 or so hours they are awake.
*Cue tragic sigh. I’m sure I’ll miss all of this as they get older.
Becky
Saturday, March 22, 2008
A Sigh of Relief
Listening to: Elder child whining, again.
Mood: Content
We have been having a bit of a difficult time around our house as of late. Most of this difficulty is revolving around my elder daughter, who shall be referred to as AA girl in the rest of this post. You’ll understand this in a minute.
For those who don’t know, AA is 4.4 years old. We also have a 3.5 month old, referred to as Squishy. As AA has been the only child for her 4 short years on earth, she had a reasonably difficult time adjusting to Squishy’s arrival. We were prepared for it though, and it wasn’t really that bad.
So the really intense time started when I had to bring both my girls to the pediatrician last Friday. Unfortunately for them (and indeed, me too) both girls needed shots. When I was a young girl, I had a severe phobia of shots. I could work myself into a panic attack just thinking about getting one. Unfortunately, AA inherited this terror. She had a rather traumatic experience at the Dr.’s office, partly due to her fear and partly due to some insensitive people at the office – but that’s a whole different rant. Since then, she has been the most angry, hateful little girl imaginable. I felt rather like we had slid back into the terrible twos, but with more tricks up her sleeve to hurl at me. She has always behaved in this manner, but not quite so rude and angry. I had really run out of ideas as to how to deal with AA too. On top of this, she is home all day right now for 2 weeks for Easter break. Hubby would come home at night and find me near tears, a rare event indeed, from dealing with both a demanding, fussy, infant and a four year old who argued and was extremely rude and defiant all day.
I finally turned to the internet to find some help or support in how to help my daughter deal with her anger. I happened to come across a page on difficult children. I read through the page on defiance first, but it really didn’t seem to fit my daughter all that well. I moved on to a page on Active Aggressive (AA) children. It was like the heavens opened up with the Hallelujah chorus. That was my daughter – to a T. It was such a relief to not worry that her demeanor was a result of me being a horrible parent. It was a huge sigh of relief. I also found some parenting tips on how to best deal with these types of children, and it has made a night and day difference in my daughter’s behavior. I had some adjustments to make too. It hasn’t been the easiest thing to accept – everyone thinks they know how they should deal with discipline – but sometimes it’s great to have an instruction manual that helps you deal with your type of child. In the past, it had been a constant source of frustration for hubby and I, because we simply ran out of ideas on how to deal with her constant energy and attitude. There really is no professional child person telling you, don’t worry, this method or that method will work, just give it a little time. Instead, we were just growing more and more frustrated as we flipped through ways of dealing with behaviors. It’s kind of sad though. Had I known this information, I could have dealt with some of the stresses in a much more productive manner.
I’ll continue to update you on how it’s going with AA. She’s got a long road ahead of her, but it’s a good one filled with possibilities. I was an AA child myself and I turned out okay. Hopefully her childhood will be even better than mine because her father and I have this info.
Becky
Mood: Content
We have been having a bit of a difficult time around our house as of late. Most of this difficulty is revolving around my elder daughter, who shall be referred to as AA girl in the rest of this post. You’ll understand this in a minute.
For those who don’t know, AA is 4.4 years old. We also have a 3.5 month old, referred to as Squishy. As AA has been the only child for her 4 short years on earth, she had a reasonably difficult time adjusting to Squishy’s arrival. We were prepared for it though, and it wasn’t really that bad.
So the really intense time started when I had to bring both my girls to the pediatrician last Friday. Unfortunately for them (and indeed, me too) both girls needed shots. When I was a young girl, I had a severe phobia of shots. I could work myself into a panic attack just thinking about getting one. Unfortunately, AA inherited this terror. She had a rather traumatic experience at the Dr.’s office, partly due to her fear and partly due to some insensitive people at the office – but that’s a whole different rant. Since then, she has been the most angry, hateful little girl imaginable. I felt rather like we had slid back into the terrible twos, but with more tricks up her sleeve to hurl at me. She has always behaved in this manner, but not quite so rude and angry. I had really run out of ideas as to how to deal with AA too. On top of this, she is home all day right now for 2 weeks for Easter break. Hubby would come home at night and find me near tears, a rare event indeed, from dealing with both a demanding, fussy, infant and a four year old who argued and was extremely rude and defiant all day.
I finally turned to the internet to find some help or support in how to help my daughter deal with her anger. I happened to come across a page on difficult children. I read through the page on defiance first, but it really didn’t seem to fit my daughter all that well. I moved on to a page on Active Aggressive (AA) children. It was like the heavens opened up with the Hallelujah chorus. That was my daughter – to a T. It was such a relief to not worry that her demeanor was a result of me being a horrible parent. It was a huge sigh of relief. I also found some parenting tips on how to best deal with these types of children, and it has made a night and day difference in my daughter’s behavior. I had some adjustments to make too. It hasn’t been the easiest thing to accept – everyone thinks they know how they should deal with discipline – but sometimes it’s great to have an instruction manual that helps you deal with your type of child. In the past, it had been a constant source of frustration for hubby and I, because we simply ran out of ideas on how to deal with her constant energy and attitude. There really is no professional child person telling you, don’t worry, this method or that method will work, just give it a little time. Instead, we were just growing more and more frustrated as we flipped through ways of dealing with behaviors. It’s kind of sad though. Had I known this information, I could have dealt with some of the stresses in a much more productive manner.
I’ll continue to update you on how it’s going with AA. She’s got a long road ahead of her, but it’s a good one filled with possibilities. I was an AA child myself and I turned out okay. Hopefully her childhood will be even better than mine because her father and I have this info.
Becky
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Losing Yourself
Listening to: Hermie’s Christmas Movie (A kid’s movie)
Mood: Frazzled
I’m in the middle of one of those days. The kind where all you really want to do is run away and join the circus just to get some sanity back. My 2 month old is practicing her Velcro abilities and exercising her lungs. My 4 year old is her usual psychotic, manic self and wants me to discuss the details of everything we look at. We had to stop at Target today after I got my 4 year old from Preschool . I’m sure you can imagine how taking an hour to obtain paper towels and sinus medication was not my idea of entertainment. I got to thinking in the car, as I was desperately trying to mentally block out the banshee, “I’m hungry. Right. This. Minute.” wail of Peanut in the back seat. I finally determined that I have lost any and all mental powers of concentration and have temporarily lost any sense of self. I remember having this happen with my eldest daughter when she was an infant. I thought it was just because I was 22 and hadn’t really found myself anyhow. It got better as she got a little older and entertained herself by crawling as fast as possible towards anything remotely fun. (read dangerous.) However, Peanut is one of the most difficult babies that I have ever come across. She has taken much more time and energy than her sister ever did. I think it’s a little harder for me this time because I have things I know I want to do. Grown up things, like planning the day, blogging, and learning excel. Trying to do anything but the basics (read breathing) requires some concentration, which between the 2 of my kiddos, I cannot seem to find any of. Eating, getting dressed, and even sleeping has its challenges these days. It has really been hard this time around to lose any sense of self and adult intelligence in favor of wishing my ear drums were stuffed with mashed potatoes so I would not have to listen to screaming and nonstop preschooler chatter. Don’t get me wrong here. I absolutely adore having kids. I love it. I love having a baby in the house. However, I still crave for adult type thought processes and interactions. It keeps you sane. I never planned on being a housewife, not to mention a stay at home mom for as long as I have. In a way, I’ve been blessed. I’ve been able to enjoy both my kids, well, being kids. In another way, it makes you a little crazy. Working on my blogs has been a bit depressing for me lately. I have lost some of my wonderful sense of humor. I lack the concentration to be funny. It just comes out forced and a little desperate. I know that as Peanut gets a little older, my posts will get better. In the mean time, I will subject you to mediocre humor. Hey – at least it won’t make you wish for those mashed potatoes.
Have a great week,
Becky
Mood: Frazzled
I’m in the middle of one of those days. The kind where all you really want to do is run away and join the circus just to get some sanity back. My 2 month old is practicing her Velcro abilities and exercising her lungs. My 4 year old is her usual psychotic, manic self and wants me to discuss the details of everything we look at. We had to stop at Target today after I got my 4 year old from Preschool . I’m sure you can imagine how taking an hour to obtain paper towels and sinus medication was not my idea of entertainment. I got to thinking in the car, as I was desperately trying to mentally block out the banshee, “I’m hungry. Right. This. Minute.” wail of Peanut in the back seat. I finally determined that I have lost any and all mental powers of concentration and have temporarily lost any sense of self. I remember having this happen with my eldest daughter when she was an infant. I thought it was just because I was 22 and hadn’t really found myself anyhow. It got better as she got a little older and entertained herself by crawling as fast as possible towards anything remotely fun. (read dangerous.) However, Peanut is one of the most difficult babies that I have ever come across. She has taken much more time and energy than her sister ever did. I think it’s a little harder for me this time because I have things I know I want to do. Grown up things, like planning the day, blogging, and learning excel. Trying to do anything but the basics (read breathing) requires some concentration, which between the 2 of my kiddos, I cannot seem to find any of. Eating, getting dressed, and even sleeping has its challenges these days. It has really been hard this time around to lose any sense of self and adult intelligence in favor of wishing my ear drums were stuffed with mashed potatoes so I would not have to listen to screaming and nonstop preschooler chatter. Don’t get me wrong here. I absolutely adore having kids. I love it. I love having a baby in the house. However, I still crave for adult type thought processes and interactions. It keeps you sane. I never planned on being a housewife, not to mention a stay at home mom for as long as I have. In a way, I’ve been blessed. I’ve been able to enjoy both my kids, well, being kids. In another way, it makes you a little crazy. Working on my blogs has been a bit depressing for me lately. I have lost some of my wonderful sense of humor. I lack the concentration to be funny. It just comes out forced and a little desperate. I know that as Peanut gets a little older, my posts will get better. In the mean time, I will subject you to mediocre humor. Hey – at least it won’t make you wish for those mashed potatoes.
Have a great week,
Becky
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Parenting: It's Personal
Listening to: Big Poppa – Biggy Smalls
Mood: Relaxed
I feel that we’ve generally landed up in a crazy time to be raising kids. The world is an extremely nutty place and helicopter parents reign supreme as a result. God forbid you give unsolicited advice to anyone, about anything remotely to do with raising kids. I’ve never been a fan of unsolicited advice. As I mentioned in my last blog, it’s a product of how I was raised.
Some of the most heated arguments I’ve ever seen have been between people who are talking about how they raise their kid(s) and how the correct way is to do something. There are lots of different styles of parenting along with the individual flavor every parent brings to the equation. People tend to either follow or go the opposite way of their parents’ child raising philosophy. And let me tell you, when people decide (consciously or not) on their philosophy, they stick to it come hell or high water. In my opinion it’s hard enough for 2 married (or committed) people to agree on how to parent a child. Throw in the parents’ advice, the in laws advice, and a random stranger at the parks advice, and it’s a recipe for trouble.
I guess as parents, we feel that because we know our child best and what we want them to turn out to be, that we know the best way to raise them. As the mother of a very head strong child, I’ve often wondered if what I was doing was the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as guilty of the next guy to swearing by my child philosophy, but on the more frustrating days, I would secretly (and as my spouse can attest – not so secretly) wonder what I was doing wrong. I’m a stay at home mom. I am doing most of the discipline leg work for my kids. As a result, I felt I knew my eldest daughter a little better than my husband and would get extremely frustrated with him when he suggested things I had already tried and deemed not useful or things that I plain knew wouldn’t work on her. It’s almost an emasculating feeling when you think others feel they can care for your child better than you.
Parenting is such a demanding and difficult job. Why do we insist on not listening to others trying to be helpful? Better yet, why can we not be open to different ideas without becoming combative about our methods? So what if Suzie’s mom only uses time outs when you spank your kid? I’m sure they both have merits, why not let it be? If you know Suzie has a similar disposition as your kid, why not discuss with Suzie’s mom what works for her? Other parents should be a resource, not competition.
Becky
Mood: Relaxed
I feel that we’ve generally landed up in a crazy time to be raising kids. The world is an extremely nutty place and helicopter parents reign supreme as a result. God forbid you give unsolicited advice to anyone, about anything remotely to do with raising kids. I’ve never been a fan of unsolicited advice. As I mentioned in my last blog, it’s a product of how I was raised.
Some of the most heated arguments I’ve ever seen have been between people who are talking about how they raise their kid(s) and how the correct way is to do something. There are lots of different styles of parenting along with the individual flavor every parent brings to the equation. People tend to either follow or go the opposite way of their parents’ child raising philosophy. And let me tell you, when people decide (consciously or not) on their philosophy, they stick to it come hell or high water. In my opinion it’s hard enough for 2 married (or committed) people to agree on how to parent a child. Throw in the parents’ advice, the in laws advice, and a random stranger at the parks advice, and it’s a recipe for trouble.
I guess as parents, we feel that because we know our child best and what we want them to turn out to be, that we know the best way to raise them. As the mother of a very head strong child, I’ve often wondered if what I was doing was the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as guilty of the next guy to swearing by my child philosophy, but on the more frustrating days, I would secretly (and as my spouse can attest – not so secretly) wonder what I was doing wrong. I’m a stay at home mom. I am doing most of the discipline leg work for my kids. As a result, I felt I knew my eldest daughter a little better than my husband and would get extremely frustrated with him when he suggested things I had already tried and deemed not useful or things that I plain knew wouldn’t work on her. It’s almost an emasculating feeling when you think others feel they can care for your child better than you.
Parenting is such a demanding and difficult job. Why do we insist on not listening to others trying to be helpful? Better yet, why can we not be open to different ideas without becoming combative about our methods? So what if Suzie’s mom only uses time outs when you spank your kid? I’m sure they both have merits, why not let it be? If you know Suzie has a similar disposition as your kid, why not discuss with Suzie’s mom what works for her? Other parents should be a resource, not competition.
Becky
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