Heartbreaking and Exciting, All in the Same Breath

Listening to: Angel  - Aerosmith

Mood: Optimistic

Thanks to our moving half way around the globe, our daughters had almost a full year without any institutionalized schooling.  There were many successful and even more unsuccessful attempts to teach them things at home too. All in all, it has been a LOT of togetherness time for the girls and me. I both love it and get tired of it.

The time has come for them to once again hop on board the white and green school bus (we don’t have yellow ones here) and leave for the day. Well, at least my oldest will leave for the day, the youngest will only be gone a half day. This was recent and largely unwelcome news for me. Not only was my first in school all day by this age, I really feel like my younger one could do with some independent time from me and her sister so she can make her own friends and develop her own personality.

There has been much talk lately about whether or not I should get a job when the kids are in school full time and if that job should be me starting a business. I was generally very excited about this new phase of life. Having my youngest in school only half time pretty much curtails that all together. Between finding a job, transportation, care for them after school, there really isn’t much sense to be had out of this.

My eldest daughter spent last night fretting and repeating that she was scared. Her first 3 months in an Indian school were indeed rough for her, but she made friends and did fine in school. I reminded her gently, but she will still have to see for herself that she can do it and will be fine.

My youngest is also apprehensive, but I think it’s more to do with the stories her sister told her than anything else. It’s probably intimidating for her to have to go to her own classroom also. My girls usually are found together. They are sisters after all.

I have a 1 week reprieve before I have to put the youngest on the bus also as the younger ones start 1 week later. I’m not a crier. I won’t get emotional watching them both get on the bus. But I know the house will be very empty, and very, very quiet. I look forward to having a small chunk of time for myself for the first time in almost 8 years, yet I still worry that things will be hard for them. Will they enjoy their class? Will the teacher be nice? Will my youngest get lost in the school? I know these are all silly worries and that the girls will be fine, but it’s still hard not to worry.

Their time as babies is over. It’s both exhilarating to see them grow and thrive and heartbreaking that I will never hold their warm, squishy little bald heads up under my chin as I rock them to sleep.

My apologies for getting a bit maudlin here at the end. I keep waiting for it to get easier that they are growing up, but it never does.

Becky

Falling in Love at 4

Listening to: The absolute madhouse chaos of McDonald’s play place on a busy day

Mood: Content

My eldest daughter has a boyfriend. At 4. Well, to be fair, he’s not really a boyfriend, but he is a boy, and according to my daughter he is the love to her and a very good friend. He really likes to play with her at preschool, every single day! I find it both adorable and a little scary all at the same time. My daughter’s version of love, at a ripe old age of 4, is so innocent it’s amazing. He’s just a very good friend, but they are both extraordinarily fond of each other.

It also made me wonder what I’m going to do when she starts dating. We have a good 14 years until that happens (I know, I know, but I can hope anyhow), but I really wonder how I, and more specifically her father, will deal with it. I know I’m biased about my daughter, pretty much everyone is biased about their own kids, but I think she’s on the attractive side of the spectrum. I especially think she has pretty eyes. So after reviewing my own dating experiences and my knowledge of boys in general, I was trying to decide if I should stand at the door with a really big stick or just go right to a shotgun. Perhaps both….

It is my hope that I will raise both my daughters to know their worth and how to judge the nature of a man well enough that I won’t have to deal with any really bad choices, just them growing up. It’s such a fine balance to raise children between the beauty of childhood innocence and shattering it completely to try and protect them from the world by overeducating them about it. I was very sheltered as a child and as a result made some spectacularly bad choices the minute I was out on my own. I thought I could handle certain things that were way beyond my depth. I want to educate my girls to the point that they recognize that the world is a huge, scary, complex place, but not so much that they are scared to go out and make it on their own.

Everyone makes mistakes growing up – it’s inevitable. What matters is the kind of mistakes that you make. Let me give you an example. I’d say that deciding to drink way too much at a party when you’re under aged but then calling your parents to come pick you up is a much smaller mistake than going to that same party and trying to drive yourself home because you think you can handle it. I don’t want any hate mail for this – it’s just an example. I’m not condoning underage drinking or anything like that. In order for your kids to be able to make smart decisions like this, you have to talk to them about the hard stuff. My parents didn’t do this for me. They just said don’t do any of this bad stuff. Or else. I want to take an active roll in my kids thinking about drinking, drugs, and sex. I want them to make smart choices because we have discussed the consequences and they understand them. I’m not knocking my parents. By the time I got old enough to think about this stuff, my mom was on her own dealing with 2 teenagers, and did her best. But now that I have my own kids, I am definitely more prone to thinking how I want to handle this stuff with my own kids.

So until my daughter gets old enough to date, I think I’ll encourage friendships with boys too. It will be good for her to have some friendship experiences with boys too.

Becky

A Sigh of Relief

Listening to: Elder child whining, again.
Mood: Content

We have been having a bit of a difficult time around our house as of late. Most of this difficulty is revolving around my elder daughter, who shall be referred to as AA girl in the rest of this post. You’ll understand this in a minute.

For those who don’t know, AA is 4.4 years old. We also have a 3.5 month old, referred to as Squishy. As AA has been the only child for her 4 short years on earth, she had a reasonably difficult time adjusting to Squishy’s arrival. We were prepared for it though, and it wasn’t really that bad.

So the really intense time started when I had to bring both my girls to the pediatrician last Friday. Unfortunately for them (and indeed, me too) both girls needed shots. When I was a young girl, I had a severe phobia of shots. I could work myself into a panic attack just thinking about getting one. Unfortunately, AA inherited this terror. She had a rather traumatic experience at the Dr.’s office, partly due to her fear and partly due to some insensitive people at the office – but that’s a whole different rant. Since then, she has been the most angry, hateful little girl imaginable. I felt rather like we had slid back into the terrible twos, but with more tricks up her sleeve to hurl at me. She has always behaved in this manner, but not quite so rude and angry. I had really run out of ideas as to how to deal with AA too. On top of this, she is home all day right now for 2 weeks for Easter break. Hubby would come home at night and find me near tears, a rare event indeed, from dealing with both a demanding, fussy, infant and a four year old who argued and was extremely rude and defiant all day.

I finally turned to the internet to find some help or support in how to help my daughter deal with her anger. I happened to come across a page on difficult children. I read through the page on defiance first, but it really didn’t seem to fit my daughter all that well. I moved on to a page on Active Aggressive (AA) children. It was like the heavens opened up with the Hallelujah chorus. That was my daughter – to a T. It was such a relief to not worry that her demeanor was a result of me being a horrible parent. It was a huge sigh of relief. I also found some parenting tips on how to best deal with these types of children, and it has made a night and day difference in my daughter’s behavior. I had some adjustments to make too. It hasn’t been the easiest thing to accept – everyone thinks they know how they should deal with discipline – but sometimes it’s great to have an instruction manual that helps you deal with your type of child. In the past, it had been a constant source of frustration for hubby and I, because we simply ran out of ideas on how to deal with her constant energy and attitude. There really is no professional child person telling you, don’t worry, this method or that method will work, just give it a little time. Instead, we were just growing more and more frustrated as we flipped through ways of dealing with behaviors. It’s kind of sad though. Had I known this information, I could have dealt with some of the stresses in a much more productive manner.

I’ll continue to update you on how it’s going with AA. She’s got a long road ahead of her, but it’s a good one filled with possibilities. I was an AA child myself and I turned out okay. Hopefully her childhood will be even better than mine because her father and I have this info.
Becky

I'm Counting On You

Listening to: Dance of the Cucumber – Veggie Tales
Mood: Tweaking out – guests coming tomorrow.

So I was sitting in the car at a stop light today when my eldest daughter brought forth one of those gems that make you shake your head and thank god you had that 4th martini that resulted in the conception of your child. Erm, Not that I would know anything about these type of things....... Ahem.

I had invited my sister in law over for the weekend with her kids. My eldest daughter (herein referred to as Mrs. Nosy) knew this. In fact, she was informed that unless she was a good girl and helped clean the house – especially her mess – her cousins could not come over. Now obviously, I wouldn’t tell them they couldn’t come if she was bad, but hey, kids don’t figure this out for quite some time. Anyhow, the cable man had come on Monday and needed access to every single freakin closet in my apartment. Living in an apartment, we are at a lack of storage space and all our extra crap is shoved in the closet. We have had all that crap out ever since I had to drag it all out of the closets. Mrs. Nosy’s room also included.

So while we were sitting in the car, Mrs. Nosy informed me, “Mommy, I am really counting on you to clean my room.” I paused for a second and the responded, “Since when do I clean your room?” “No Mommy. All the stuff you took out of the closets. I’m really counting on you. To clean my room up. So my cousins can come over.” I just had to laugh because I have no idea where she learned that phrase.

Your Mother and You

Listening to: Alice – Smokie
Mood: Tired, but happy

I live in White Plains NY. My mom lives in Kankakee IL, and I hate it. I really wish she lived closer than an airplane flight away. (Hello free babysitting!) However, there are moments when I’m really glad she doesn’t live any closer. Now I really love my mom, but like any parent child relationship, there are moments when she drives me absolutely batty. One of these instances is the way that she can make me feel like a horrible mom for a little, unimportant thing. Like not feeding my eldest child ice cream for every meal. Now usually, it takes a feat of nature to make me question how I do things. I just have a pretty thick skin and don’t much care what other people think. I also usually listen to advice my mom gives. She isn’t the type (and indeed, this runs in the family) to give advice or encouragement very often or unsolicited. However, as happens too often, the minute my mom cut my eldest daughter’s cord and became a grandma, she suffered from amnesia and a loss of parenting common sense. For some reason, when I was younger, it would have made perfect sense to her to make me pick up my own room at 4 years old (or at least do most of it). For some reason, this logic seems to have escaped her. I was raised in a strict household. Perhaps too strict at times, but I like who I am as a result. My family wasn’t well off when I was younger either. I intend to raise my children strictly and to be respectful and thankful for what they have. My mother would never have thought to buy me even half of the ridiculous things that she sends my eldest daughter. Nor would she have let my grandparents get away with such spoilery. I know I shouldn’t compare how I was raised and how my daughters are being raised, but it’s hard for me sometimes to understand how my mom has changed so much. And why she can possibly get me to feel guilty for not buying my daughter everything she could possibly want. I’m going to tell her it’s a result of me never getting that pony that I wanted when I was 7.
Becky

The Bed Space Game

Mood: Edgy/Cranky
Listening To: More than a Feeling – Boston

So as you’ve probably figured out by now, I have 2 little girls, aged 4 and 2 months. As of recent, I noticed we seem to be having a crisis of bed space at our house. Now, this really is not for a lack of beds. We have 2 queen sized beds, one for my husband and I and one for our four year old. We also have a pack and play for the peanut sized daughter. The problem comes when I am nursing my youngest at night or my 4 year old inevitably wanders into my room about 3 in the morning wanting to sleep in our bed. My husband could sleep while a hurricane brought down the apartment around his bed – he couldn’t care less. I, on the other hand, am a much lighter sleeper. I simply cannot sleep with 3 inches on the edge of the bed. I’m just not a 3 inch sized person.

Peanut usually ends up back in her bed (and really could care less) as soon as she’s done eating for fear that one of us will roll over and squish her in the night. (Insert some corny joke about peanut butter here….) The exception to this is if the heater in our room decides to randomly not function and we have to leave her in our bed for fear that we will wake up and find a peanut Popsicle. As a result, I don’t sleep more than 5 minutes at a time because I have to wake up and assure myself that she has not been squished or managed to wedge her face into a pillow.

My older one is somewhat more challenging. She’s a ninja bed space stealer. Since my husband cannot manage to sleep on his side of the bed, he usually doesn’t hear/feel her sneak into the bed because he’s too busy stealing all of my body heat and the covers. Of course she learned long ago that a stealth attack was much more productive than actually asking to sleep with us, because my husband or I would escort her back into her own room with a firm goodnight and a promise to see her in the morning. So around 5 am, when my husband is in a comatose sleep that doesn’t require laying on top of me, he tries to roll back over to his side of the bed, which is now impossible due to the four year old sprawled out spread eagle on his side of the bed. This leads my husband to just shrug in his sleep and continue to use me as a body pillow. Being in the sleep deprived/newborn baby stage that I am in, I don’t even hear her walk in the room. Seriously, someone could walk in my room, rifle through my underwear drawer looking for loot and I’d probably never even figure it out. I’m just too tired to notice if my undies are in order or not.

I’ve considered a few things to help me avoid being left with the 3 inches of bed space, but nothing too practical. If we have to have peanut in bed, there’s really not much to be done about it. I can’t let the poor little adorable thing freeze. I’ve thought of a baby gate too to keep ninja sleeper out, but with her ninja powers, she’d probably just try to jump over it, crash to the floor, scare the crap out of hubby and I and wake peanut. At 3 am. Locking the door is also out of the question because any time ninja sleeper is denied access to either of us, it leads to a meltdown of nuclear proportions, i.e. when I try to use the bathroom by myself. I just don’t have the energy to deal with that at 3 am. Ah well, all the more motivation to lose weight. I’ll never be small enough to only require 3 inches of space, but perhaps I can reach a point where if my ass is hanging off the bed it doesn’t drag the rest of my body with it.
Becky

Noise Level vs Sanity Level

Listening to: Beatles - Penny Lane
Mood: Happy

I have this theory. Well, I have lots of theories, but we’re gonna tackle this one tonight. I have been thinking about how much noise affects your sanity. My theory is that they are inversely proportionate. The noisier it is, the less sane you become. Some types of noise are more harmful than others. Cars honking outside your window is mildly annoying. A four year old with a cowbell in her hand and a song in her heart – induces mild insanity in 3.4 seconds. I have noticed this phenomenon much more as of late because I have 2 vociferous noise makers in my house now. One four year old because, well, she likes being noisy and life is more fun that way. One 2 month old, because, well, she was born with a super set of lungs and an uber fussy temperament and getting her way is just so much easier when she’s screaming. I’ve noticed that the more noise they are producing (i.e. the cowbell and song previously mentioned + a screaming, hungry baby) the more frazzled and insane I feel.

I have never, ever valued absolute silence like I do now. I feel absolutely zen-ish when I have a few minutes of quiet. I can understand now (even though I don’t condone it) why they export noise abuse for terrorists in Iraq. If I was from Iraq and was exposed to ultra loud rap music for hours on end, I would want to gouge my eyes out with rusty nails too.

This becomes especially annoying when I’m trying to work on something that remotely requires an iota of concentration. Both of my daughters (as well as every kid in general) have radar. If I’m working on blogging, talking on the phone, paying bills, etc, that is the exact moment when noise is crucial. It’s some kind of cosmic payback for parents’ ability to know kids are doing something naughty without actually seeing it. The eyes on the back of the head thing. In fact, that is just about the only time when my 4 year old is quiet. She’s either sleeping, or being naughty. It’s a dead giveaway at 3 in the afternoon.

So next time your kid is playing Mozart on the cowbell with a made up song, your baby is screaming, the phone is ringing, the television is on, your spouse is talking to you, and the radio is on for some mysterious reason, go lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. I promise it will do a world of good for your sanity. Just try your best to ignore the pounding on the door and the screams for mercy from your spouse as your kids take him hostage.

Becky

She's an Uptown Girl

Listening to: November Rain - Guns N Roses
Mood: Calm

Just wanted to share with you a cute thing my 4 year old daughter told me the other day. We were havng a girly moment painting our nails. Being the princess wannabe that she is, my daughter chose bubblegum pink with sparkles for her fingernails. After I was done painting them, she informed me that she lookes "fisticated". I asked her what she meant and we figured out that she meant sophisticated. I couldn't help but wonder where she heard that word and it's meaning. She never fails to surprise me.

Becky