Losing Yourself

Listening to: Hermie’s Christmas Movie (A kid’s movie)
Mood: Frazzled

I’m in the middle of one of those days. The kind where all you really want to do is run away and join the circus just to get some sanity back. My 2 month old is practicing her Velcro abilities and exercising her lungs. My 4 year old is her usual psychotic, manic self and wants me to discuss the details of everything we look at. We had to stop at Target today after I got my 4 year old from Preschool . I’m sure you can imagine how taking an hour to obtain paper towels and sinus medication was not my idea of entertainment. I got to thinking in the car, as I was desperately trying to mentally block out the banshee, “I’m hungry. Right. This. Minute.” wail of Peanut in the back seat. I finally determined that I have lost any and all mental powers of concentration and have temporarily lost any sense of self. I remember having this happen with my eldest daughter when she was an infant. I thought it was just because I was 22 and hadn’t really found myself anyhow. It got better as she got a little older and entertained herself by crawling as fast as possible towards anything remotely fun. (read dangerous.) However, Peanut is one of the most difficult babies that I have ever come across. She has taken much more time and energy than her sister ever did. I think it’s a little harder for me this time because I have things I know I want to do. Grown up things, like planning the day, blogging, and learning excel. Trying to do anything but the basics (read breathing) requires some concentration, which between the 2 of my kiddos, I cannot seem to find any of. Eating, getting dressed, and even sleeping has its challenges these days. It has really been hard this time around to lose any sense of self and adult intelligence in favor of wishing my ear drums were stuffed with mashed potatoes so I would not have to listen to screaming and nonstop preschooler chatter. Don’t get me wrong here. I absolutely adore having kids. I love it. I love having a baby in the house. However, I still crave for adult type thought processes and interactions. It keeps you sane. I never planned on being a housewife, not to mention a stay at home mom for as long as I have. In a way, I’ve been blessed. I’ve been able to enjoy both my kids, well, being kids. In another way, it makes you a little crazy. Working on my blogs has been a bit depressing for me lately. I have lost some of my wonderful sense of humor. I lack the concentration to be funny. It just comes out forced and a little desperate. I know that as Peanut gets a little older, my posts will get better. In the mean time, I will subject you to mediocre humor. Hey – at least it won’t make you wish for those mashed potatoes.

Have a great week,
Becky