Parenting: It's Personal

Listening to: Big Poppa – Biggy Smalls
Mood: Relaxed

I feel that we’ve generally landed up in a crazy time to be raising kids. The world is an extremely nutty place and helicopter parents reign supreme as a result. God forbid you give unsolicited advice to anyone, about anything remotely to do with raising kids. I’ve never been a fan of unsolicited advice. As I mentioned in my last blog, it’s a product of how I was raised.

Some of the most heated arguments I’ve ever seen have been between people who are talking about how they raise their kid(s) and how the correct way is to do something. There are lots of different styles of parenting along with the individual flavor every parent brings to the equation. People tend to either follow or go the opposite way of their parents’ child raising philosophy. And let me tell you, when people decide (consciously or not) on their philosophy, they stick to it come hell or high water. In my opinion it’s hard enough for 2 married (or committed) people to agree on how to parent a child. Throw in the parents’ advice, the in laws advice, and a random stranger at the parks advice, and it’s a recipe for trouble.

I guess as parents, we feel that because we know our child best and what we want them to turn out to be, that we know the best way to raise them. As the mother of a very head strong child, I’ve often wondered if what I was doing was the right thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as guilty of the next guy to swearing by my child philosophy, but on the more frustrating days, I would secretly (and as my spouse can attest – not so secretly) wonder what I was doing wrong. I’m a stay at home mom. I am doing most of the discipline leg work for my kids. As a result, I felt I knew my eldest daughter a little better than my husband and would get extremely frustrated with him when he suggested things I had already tried and deemed not useful or things that I plain knew wouldn’t work on her. It’s almost an emasculating feeling when you think others feel they can care for your child better than you.

Parenting is such a demanding and difficult job. Why do we insist on not listening to others trying to be helpful? Better yet, why can we not be open to different ideas without becoming combative about our methods? So what if Suzie’s mom only uses time outs when you spank your kid? I’m sure they both have merits, why not let it be? If you know Suzie has a similar disposition as your kid, why not discuss with Suzie’s mom what works for her? Other parents should be a resource, not competition.
Becky